Waiting for the Evidence to Melt

Mom asked me to play golf with her today. Of course I said yes, you don't say no to golf.

I tried leaving the house and continually got called back upstairs for one forgotten item or another. Finally I called mom:

"You called a few hours ago and said you were worried, what sort of feeling did you have?"

"I don't know, it was from last night, the job, you sounded so depressed and I was worried."

"You're sure? Nothing else?"

"No, now get in the car and get up here."

Driving north on the 710 a few minutes later, my car starts to die, losing speed but not power. I smell burning, something is on fire! There is black pieces of rubber flying off the side of the car and I realize I have a flat tire. I'm stuck on the center median with cars flying past at speeds of well over 80 mph.

I should be proud. There aren't many people who can boast about the CHP shutting down 4 lanes of heavy traffic so you can limp across the highway. *raises hand* Yep, that was me!! Shut down the 710 during rush hour. Oh the power I weild!

So, that situation gets handled and I arrive at mom's house just in time to help her burn down the canyon. Yes, you read that right, she torched the Little Tujunga Canyon all by herself.

Why you may ask? Oh it's very logical. She was lighting mosquito citronella incense coils and instead of blowing out the flame to let the smoke smoulder and do it's job of chasing off mosquitos, she let the flame burn high and strong. So high and so strong that it torched the canyon.

As I'm surrounded by 4ft flames on all sides with my back to a propane tank and nothing but a shovel, she brings me...... ice.

No, not water.

No, not a fire extinguisher.... ice.

Meanwhile, the flames have spread down into the canyon about 30 yards, and is on it's way up the hill onto the bounding neighbors yards. I choose to fight the flames closest to the propane tank, at least I can stave off an explosion, if nothing else. Mom, in the meantime, is lining the fence with.... ice.

The fire department was called to a rubbish fire. The chief saw the fire from across the canyon and had the presence of mind to cancel the rubbish fire and call for a full on Brush Fire team. Afterall this is California and if the hills aren't sliding in mud they are on fire. I was happy the professionals arrived and I could lay down my shovel.

The chief looked around when all was said and done:

"I have just one question", as he looks at the scorched earth and rubble that used to be the 100yd by 50yd patch of ground at the edge of Mom's backyard. "Who's idea was it to use ice?"

As we were sitting over 22oz margaritas and 20oz something-with-3-kinds-of-rum, hair singed, clothes smelling like a camp fire, and dirt covering a great majority of our limbs, Mom looks at me and says:

"You know, I really thought the evidence would melt."