Sam's Town - December 2006

She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said
I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

OK, so it's not exactly Boston but it is east.  North East to be exact, from my present location.  It's time to really start over.  I've been trying to start over for 3 years now, and I just can't seem to shake the demons of the past.  I really think I need to pack up and move to Las Vegas.  I've been toying with the idea since Anet started suggesting it two years ago.

I have come to the conclusion that the sadness I feel about leaving has more to do with my breakup with Scott than actually leaving.  I have been living in "Scott's Apartment" for nearly 3 years now.  Archie and I practically moved in when Scott and I started dating in February 2004.  He married the Australian girl this past summer and has been gone longer than we actually dated.  I, however, am still living in the same apartment.  I do miss him.

I've gone through the list and other than a very small handful of people (like 3) here in Long Beach, I don't have alot of people to say good bye to.  I mostly have friends I will say hello to!!  That is why I think I am sad, because of Scott - there is no other reason.

There's also the fear of the unknown.  The last time I moved away from California was 1987.  That's 20 years ago.  I was gone for 4 years and came running home to the familiarity of saccharine friendships and postcard sunsets.  My most valuable friendships have all been with people outside of California.  So, maybe it's time to leave.  Afterall, how cliche is it that I fall into the demographic of shallow Californians who have never lived east of the Rockies?  What?  There's cities and stuff on the other side?  Really?

So I will tread as far as Las Vegas.  That's about how far East I can venture without getting nervous.  North seems friendlier, but I'm not in to the snow and cold so much.

Starting Over.  New Year, New Life.  I even cut and colored my hair.  No more blondie blonde.  I'm very close to my natural Auburn again, I forgot how intense my eyes get when my hair is dark.  So mote it be - it's all brand new!