When is Enough Really Enough?

Here I am – home with a migraine that is nearly debilitating – and I catch myself for not following the rules, not being careful.  No matter how much I hate it, there are certain things I cannot do as a result of my dance with Endo.  There are dietary rules, brittle bone rules.  Little things they fail to mention about surviving the Big C.

I was so young when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, 20 years old.  I had been having symptoms since high school, but no one ever even considered the idea.  My first round of treatment was 1988, Danocrine to suppress Estrogen production, for 6 months.  The first 3 months were bad; the last three months were hell.  I had all of the side effects, and was miserable the entire time.  By 1990 I was doing well, but by 1991 I started to get sick again.

Endometriosis and Me

For 20 years I have had to manage my life according to Endo.  For 6 years I lived my life according to me, and it has been an incredible change.  Now, I face the prospect of treatment, again.  1998 was bad enough, and I stuck with it until 2003, but I just couldn’t anymore.  In 2004 I said “Never again”, and here I am placing focus and energy in to the disease.

Because of Stage IV Endometriosis, I have endured 3 rounds of Chemo, 1 of which was an experimental treatment, I have had 5 surgeries, 2 marriages, a bankruptcy and countless love affairs.

When do I say enough is enough?

The problem with Stage IV Aggressive Recurring Endometriosis is this:

"If you combine inflammation with estrogen, it's going to be a vicious circle," said Dr. Nezhat.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/722605 OR  The Link Between Endometriosis & Cancer

So you suppress the estrogen to the point of ….. what?  How far is “low enough”?  The lower the estrogen, the more risk of memory loss.  In my case, Long Term Memory Loss.  Pieces of my life that I can only remember in the most narrowest of terms.  According to the “Story” I Stored the memory within back in the far reaches of The Vault.

To put it into tangible terms, in order to stop the migraines & the renal, & the intestinal problems and to control the night sweats & hot flashes, I have to RAISE my estrogen levels just enough but not too much.  Lot’s of tests to perform to get within a good guessing range to start the experimentation.

Fine Print:

There’s no guarantee the Endo won’t resurface during this experimentation period to get the system under control.

And who’s going to pay for all of this?

[caption id="attachment_257" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Endo Journal 1999"][/caption]

Oh, I see.  I work and work to pay for extraordinary Insurance Premiums, thousands of dollars in Pharmacy costs & Co-Payments.  That’s my “American Dream”.  Steve Madden Pumps or Hormone Blood Tests?  Jones New York Suit or Prescriptions?  Android Tab or MRI?

I’ve matured from “Sex in the City” to “Rx in the City”.