In every relationship, I inevitably come out as the Bad Girl. No matter what happens, no matter how much I 'let go' or how often I 'just let it slide', in the end, I am the Bad Girl for getting angry when I have had enough. Every negative emotion, statement, or state of being in the relationship is my fault when I stop 'letting go'. Because, after all, how dare I stop 'letting go'. I am the easy going girl who lets it all slide. It's all good, baby.
Maybe it really is Eternal Sunshine of the Spottless Mind :
I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
I can not escape this pattern. Despite my owning my own shit, I consistently choose men who are incapable of owning anything, let alone their own emotional and psychological shit. It's frustrating as hell, because on the surface, or rather, in the beginning, it all appears to be quite stable. And then…. And then six months into it, every single solitary thing that is bad or negative or whatever, is laid at my feet.
I thought I had put a moratorium on rescuing injured animals and lost boys. I thought I had torn off Wendy's dress and told Peter to get the fuck out. Then I wake up one day and discover that Peter is slouched on the sofa drinking a beer and watching football or Nascar, or cartoons. How in the hell did that happen? Then I kick Peter out and I'm the bitch for causing the dumb bastard to be homeless. I just don't get it….. and I probably never will.
